today we are all supposed to the temple to pray to my grandparents.i didnt go.not bcos im lazy or what.is just that im not prepared to smile happily in front of all my relatives.they will ask me this and that.i know they are concern but im just not in the state to tell them exactly what is happening again and again.im in a slightly depression period.no medicine for me coz doc say is a slight and she dun believe that medicine that control a person mind,her thinking and her heart.got to recover it all by myself.im trying so hard to.wearing a fake smile everyday to work.is so fake that i just want to stop.but if i stop,the people will ask me again.am i ok.?i wunt be mad at them cos they are all concern abt me and worry.is just that it will be so irrating that i decided to wear a fake smile on my face everyday.at least they think im ok.and at least i dunt have to explain again and again.i cant control all my negativies thinking.it just come into my brain suddenly and stay there for few days or few hours.how i wish they wunt enter my brain animore and easily.but i cant seem to control everything.life has been very worst for me.i dun like to talk to people animore,not even my family members,and my frens.i dun have much frens.we were all working and is so hard for us to meet up.excuses here and there.im tired.i believe they are all tired.some of them are happily with their loves one.i dun even feel like calling them to disturb them.busy busy busy.work work work.in the end.im still alone.alone.alone.alone.how is wish i can just sleep all the way without waking up.the world is not beautiful animore.they are black and white.